Back on the Boat!

We took our boat out for the first time last weekend - and it was bliss.  There's something hugely relaxing about being on the Thames. Maybe it's because you can't go faster than 5km/hr on the river. So you're forced to sit back and watch the wildlife (including ducks, geese, swans, grebes and - if you're lucky - kingfishers); look at the houses and enjoy the sunshine. What was shocking, however, was to see the tide marks on the trees and garden sheds. The river level must have been up by over a metre (3-4 feet) at times.  And the silt it left in it's wake has coated all the plants, shrubs and reeds in a thin white dust, conjuring up images of what Miss Haversham's garden would look like if she had one. We were thinking of leaving London and buying a house on the river last year.  But after all the rain we've had - and all the damage that's been done around the country - I think we'll stick to boating for now.

My Turning Point

I went to see my dad today and on the train home I felt really happy and grateful that he's settled into his 'luxury retirement home' and seems to be enjoying life. So I decided to pop into my local church and say a quick thank you prayer. Sitting in the quiet, very simple building, I started thinking of all the people and events that brought me to this moment of gratitude and realised that where I am today - a successful woman running my own company with wonderful friends and family and a loving husband - is down to my work experience job on the Big Breakfast in June 1993. If I hadn't become addicted to The Big Breakfast when it launched in 1992 - and resigned from my PR job aged 29 to do work experience on the show - my life would look very different. And I might not have had the chance to have lunch with my father, sit in a church and say a big thank you to all the people and events that got me to where I am today including supportive friends, demanding bosses, a TV job that was so exhausting I decided to get a Life Coach to help me redress the work/life balance (which turned out to be one of the best things I've ever done) and a dating site (which gave me a visual idea of what I wanted my online business to look like and introduced me to my husband.)  The list could go further back, but The Big Breakfast was definitely my turning point.

What to do about Dad - and all the other YAHIEPs (young at heart, independent elderly people)?

When mum died last year we soon discovered that there aren't many lifestyle choices available for widowed people in their 80s who want to be independent - but who need company and a bit of TLC.  It seems you either a) live on your own or b) move into a care home (which has lots of negative connotations). Dad didn't want to live on his own. Not because he couldn't cook for himself and take care of himself. But because he felt lonely and vulnerable.  So we started looking at the alternatives - sheltered housing, McCarthy & Stone assisted living flats, retirement flats, senior living flats, etc - and soon discounted all of them.  The rooms in the sheltered housing places we looked at felt like bedsits. The McCarthy & Stone assisted living flats ticked quite a few boxes, but not enough.  And the retirement flats had no sense of community. So, reluctantly, we started looking at care homes - even though dad didn't need full time care. Just a helping hand and a friendly smile. Some care homes had amazing websites but the reality was quite different. Depressingly different at times. The smell of disinfectant and the vacant look of the residents sitting in the lounge of one of the care homes I looked at with dad made me want to cry. Other care homes offered very pretty self contained flats or bungalows for the more "abled elderly" - plus access to a main house for meals and company. But they were in the middle of nowhere. That's not quite true. They were within driving distance of small, charming, West Sussex towns, but not within walking distance of anything.  So if dad got bored of looking at the South Downs - and didn't feel like driving - there would be nothing else for him to do.  No corner shop to walk to. No cafes to pop into for a quick cappuccino. No churches nearby for a Sunday service. As he himself said: you're in God's waiting room.  Our search went on for months until we finally came across a 'luxury, residential, care home' in Worthing that offers dad everything he needs: a large, attractive room within a beautiful house that's within walk distance of shops, cafes, a barber and the sea - plus all his meals, activities and company  It's not cheap but it's worth it. Dad's worth it. The only downside is that it has the words 'care home' in its description. And dad - who's a very proud man - doesn't  like the negative connotations attached to them. So if you're reading this and you happen to be a property developer - or know one - please think about building places for people like dad. Men and women in their 80s (and there are more and more of them these days) who still have a lot of life left in them.  The YUPPIEs who have grown up and become YAHIEPs: young at heart, independent, elderly people. In other words, men and women who want to be part of society. Not tucked away from it all in acres of beautiful, landscaped gardens in the middle of nowhere. And if you can avoid the words 'care home' in the description, that would be a bonus too.